Nonesuch #95

Berenstain Bears co-author dies

I remember reading all of the Berenstain Bears books I could get my hands on when I was growing up. I know my parents gave me many of these and the library had many many more. I am glad that his work will continue to entertain, educate and keep children (and adults) reading for many years to come.

Nonesuch #94 - Hawesome

Hawesome

Nonesuch #93

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving Day.
I went to my parent's house at Lake Junaluska for the day. I was not feeling too social, so I stayed just one night. Even though it is my parent's house, there are still memories of my ex there, things she gave my parent's for birthdays and Christmas. I had to go back to my house where I have tried to remove all the things that she had brought in to the house.
I still find things from time to time so I guess everything is not removed. Started a bag/box for Goodwill with things I missed when I was packing her stuff. I hope that someone can use the things that she has forgot about.
I know I said that I didn't want this turn into a "pity-me" blog but it is all that I have on my mind and I think it is better to get things out and deal with instead of letting it all build up and fester and grow and grow and then I explode emotionally and have a breakdown which I do not want to go through again. I guess you can say I had one when the breakup first occurred. I think I was in shock at the loss of it all. Not so much what she did, people do not surprise me anymore with what they do, just disappoint me and anger me. I need to get past this anger, this bitterness and move on through some process(es). Whether it is through counseling or Guinness.
Until I do I am stuck in this ugly mindset that effects (or is it affects) everything I do. I don't like it, it is like a heavy residue covering me and I get it on others and that is not fair to them.

Nonesuch #92

I have not really felt like posting much since my last posting. Still trying to get over the breakup and don't really feel like making this one of those "pity-me" blogs. What I have done in the past 2 and a half weeks is: had a weekend of D&D in Raleigh, got a bad cold that turned into a sinus infection that had me out of work most of last week, worked the weekend of my birthday while being sick with the cold that turned into the sinus infection and slept, slept, slept. So much for the mid 30s being the highlight of my life. Heh, at 35, now I am officially middle aged. I don't think I feel any older mentally, but physically I can feel it, especially on a day like today, damp and cool. At least it finally feels like mid to late November. It had been in the 80s just last week. Didn't do much for my cold. I think the cooler air has helped. Or maybe it is the meds that the Dr. gave me. Just got to figure out why my relationships always end up the same way(s)...I am beginning to think it is me or the women I choose to be in a relationship with. I thought I had broke the cycle this last time but no. Some folks will say that I just have not found that one yet, I thought I had, I really did. I just don't know anymore. Maybe I am one of those that there just isn't anyone for. Well, I have always been a late bloomer, maybe that is it.

Nonesuch #91

I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I took all of my ex-fiances stuff and took it to her parent's house. I guess that last sentence says a lot and provokes new questions. It didnt work out. I wanted a relationship built on trust and communication and she wanted to fuck a sailor. And the thing that gets me is why she could not figure out why I didn't want to stay in the relationship. Once that wall of trust is broken I do not know how long it will take to rebuild the trust level if ever. Without that trust, I didn't see any foundation for the relationship to continue. I broke it off cold, no more contact, deleting of emails, not taking phone calls...so difficult to not talk to her. But I cannot. I do a lot of cussing her(or is it cursing her). I get mad, get sad, go through every emotion in 5 minutes or less and find myself right back where I began not understanding anything anymore than I did the 5 minutes before. What is there to really understand? It didn't work out.