Nonesuch #91

I had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I took all of my ex-fiances stuff and took it to her parent's house. I guess that last sentence says a lot and provokes new questions. It didnt work out. I wanted a relationship built on trust and communication and she wanted to fuck a sailor. And the thing that gets me is why she could not figure out why I didn't want to stay in the relationship. Once that wall of trust is broken I do not know how long it will take to rebuild the trust level if ever. Without that trust, I didn't see any foundation for the relationship to continue. I broke it off cold, no more contact, deleting of emails, not taking phone calls...so difficult to not talk to her. But I cannot. I do a lot of cussing her(or is it cursing her). I get mad, get sad, go through every emotion in 5 minutes or less and find myself right back where I began not understanding anything anymore than I did the 5 minutes before. What is there to really understand? It didn't work out.