Someone close to me did what my ex did. I am having mixed feelings about staying friends with her. I know she did not do it to me but it feels like it. It brought back the memories of what happened to me, hitting close to home. I tried not to transfer my feelings of my broken relationship on her, but I did. I cannot apologize for how I feel, she knows how I feel. I do not like lying, in any of it's forms. Be it a small lie or a whopper: deception is deception is deception.
And why tell me? Cause I am "The Friend"
Not that having friends is a bad thing, but sometimes a person needs more.
Let me explain. No, let me sum up.
By "The Friend" I mean this: I have noticed that when I first meet a girl and there is a that "click", I tend to question myself, "Hmmm, I wonder, should I ask her out?". By the time I get around to actually getting up the nerve, we are friends and by then, that subject should no longer be breached. And no matter how great the movie is, "When Harry Met Sally" just does not happen. I used to think that friends would be a good starting point for a relationship, but after two really messed up ones where the endings were anything but nice, I have seen the error of my ways or maybe it just is the error of my choices of women? Either way, I do not have these women in my life anymore. Though, who's to say that if I remained "The Friend" we would still be friends today? No way to know.
But, was I playing safe even back then?
Perhaps...
Is playing safe and afraid of being hurt the same?
Another perhaps...
I am tired of going through the coulda, woulda, shoulda's in my brain and not getting anywhere. I know there is no point in looking into the past, it certainly does not help my frame of mind, but I do not know what else I can do but replay and replay.
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