I am down, way down. Not in a good way, not at all. It may be the heat. It has been very hot all week. I like things cool. I keep the AC on all the time, have fans on me at work and at home. I like to be comfortable but I really havent been all week. Drinking a lot of cold water. It does help some. Had a Frosty from Wendy's yesterday. It helped some but didnt agree with my lactose intolerant self.
"Some people claim that there's a woman to blame"
Yeah and it is. It will be 5 years ago next week we decided to get together for a weekend. Her plans with another friend fell through so I said come see me. We met in library school and after graduating stayed in touch by email for 2+ years. She came and well, we got together. It was great. She was what I thought was the total package: good looking, intelligent, funny, could carry on a conversation. And I could go on and on. But it is just bringing me further down. I dont like being here/there, but here I am. I guess bottom line is I am tired of it being just me. I want to have someone I can come home to, talk about things, fix meals with, laugh at crappy TV and just BE.
I see my friends find someone, get married, settle down. I dont call it jealousy of what they have, I just want my turn. I want to win a time or two, not come up even or lose time and again.
I signed up for eharmony a couple of months back. It is a big step up from okcupid, but I have the same issues. No communication from potential matches. I was emailing with a girl for a bit, but the emails have stopped and her last email talked of being busy. I know what that means. And when they close a match and put "Other" How the hell am I supposed to know if I did something or said something wrong or not? I want to get this right.
I have seen it and I know it is true, men take longer to get over serious relationships. We may not admit it to anyone, not even ourselves. But I am living proof. I often wonder, I am still getting over my recent ex or am I still trying to get over A from 14 years ago? It just feels the same, similar situation, similar breakup. I am the common factor in all my failed relationship, it has to be me.
"Mother, mother ocean, after all these years I've found
My occupational hazard being my occupations
just not around.
I feel like I've drowned,
Gonna head uptown."
3 comments:
Wow. This was good for me to read. To see the guy's perspective on breaking up.
To be honest, I always figured it was easier on the guy.
Chin up honey! You got at least one fellow blogger out there, wanting the same things you do and she still hasn't found it either.
Hey Jonathan,
This post is really sad to me..its sad because I see alot of myself in it. I really just want that comfortable person that you can just be yourself with. But I havent found him yet.
I hope it happens for me and you and Tiffanie.
I hope you cheer up some honey. The heat probably doesnt help at all. I know I feel like I wilt everytime I step outside.
Thinking bout ya.
Tiffanie - It is always good to know how the other side survives :)
Anne - The saddest part is that we are all good people with a lot to offer someone.
We are all looking for someone to love us and for us to love. That is a universal want/need I believe.
I hope it comes as well.
Post a Comment